Mundane Update

What do you do when you stop getting excited? Where do you find life, when there is no spice in it? What stories do you listen to, read, or join when they all sound bland? What happens when life seems only mundane? I find myself, yearning for something exciting, and groundbreaking to happen. Yet most events I encounter make me sad. Most of the information I receive hurts my heart, most of what I need to do is quite a lot less than fulfilling. This may just be my struggle for meaning or it may be something a little bit more. But maybe my desire to have full meaning and “destiny” has been warped. It might be that in the simple and mundane is where I am to find a consuming and present peace.

I find myself currently living a life, and I have to sometimes think that it is not mine. I go to a wonderful graduate school. I am working towards a master of arts in religion. The basic plan is that before I am 26 (or hopefully 25), I will have completed my degree. Then I will be an overeducated child, in the eyes of those who have experienced life. That seems to me myopic for their part, but understandable none the less. Sure I may not have encountered the same sensory events, I may not have participated in the same conversations and tossing abouts of ideas; but I have lived some, and unless all of life is the same mess my story matters to them, and of course, to me.

In my current state, I am working a part-time job in a field that might seem the opposite of my end goal. I work a retail job for a store that sells, stuff (junk more likely) to people who typically would live their lives happily without stopping by my place of work (elderly and impoverished). I must confess there are moments where I really wish that those who come in to my store would leave, so that I would not have to see their faces and expectations. However, in all fairness, most, if not all, of the stuff sold at my work actually functions properly, when used as directed. How does one find life in this situation? Where is the joy and hope?

Just the other day, a coworker of mine revealed to me all of their problems. These problems were most definitely severe and incredibly sad. Ironically, earlier in the week I had been confronted by the fact that I do not have a ‘ministry’ of sorts at the moment. I was even more disappointed when every serving opportunity scheduled at the church I attend takes place in hours I have to work. So I thought to myself that maybe this season in life was for receiving, how naive. It would appear as though God is showing me another area to serve, the mundane and ritual.

Finally, even though I absolutely love the church, I have found myself not desiring to go the past two Sundays. Part of it is that I am quite tired and attending church seems more of a chore than a refreshing experience (even though I am not actually “doing” ministry). But I continue to go and participate in the liturgies, to pray the prayers, hear the sermons, give my money. I continue to do so, because it is by participating in the mundane, the ritual that I will experience life; and maybe even find some life abundant.