Sonnet For Ambrose

When God saved Noah from the flooded earth,

The mystery of our entrance rite was told:

Water and blood do wash away all dirt

That sin and evil spread from days of old.

The ark, its wood did hold the Lord of all

A king who suffered for humanity

The raven did not answer Noah’s call

For it was sin in all its revelry

But as the dove descends from up above

And if inside and outside you are just

The Spirit will preserve your soul in love,

Tranquility of mind, and peace or bust

So if the mystery you still don’t see

Consult Ambrose’s On the Mysteries

Ambrose of Milan On the Mysteries:

"10. Take another testimony. All flesh was corrupt by its iniquities. “My Spirit,” says God, “shall not remain among men, because they are flesh.” Whereby God shows that the grace of the Spirit is turned away by carnal impurity and the pollution of grave sin. Upon which, God, willing to restore what was lacking, sent the flood and bade just Noah go up into the ark. And he, after having, as the flood was passing off, sent forth first a raven which did not return, sent forth a dove which is said to have returned with an olive twig. You see the water, you see the wood [of the ark], you see the dove, and do you hesitate as to the mystery?

11. The water, then, is that in which the flesh is dipped, that all carnal sin may be washed away. All wickedness is there buried. The wood is that on which the Lord Jesus was fastened when He suffered for us. The dove is that in the form of which the Holy Spirit descended, as you have read in the New Testament, Who inspires in you peace of soul and tranquillity of mind. The raven is the figure of sin, which goes forth and does not return, if, in you, too, inwardly and outwardly righteousness be preserved."

Reflections after 6 years of theological training

I have spent the last 6 years of my life in college and graduate school. This time has been devoted to the study of theology. My knowledge base is much larger than it was when I began. I have acquired skills in different languages and have had many wonderful conversations with people. Out of the hundreds of lectures I have listened to, I vaguely remember only a handful. Out of the dozens of papers I have written and hundreds of sermons/lessons I have taught, I feel ashamed of nearly all of them. Still, I feel the need for the love of God to be proclaimed to the world. It is in that vein that I offer some of my ruminations concerning theological training. It should be disclaimed that most of this is just from the inner wars of myself.

Humility is often lost in the pursuit of excellence.
Within myself there is an incredible desire to be validated. When someone wrongs me, I want to make sure I get the last word. When someone does something better than me, I want my accomplishment, however meager, to be noticed as well. It seems to me that when I pursue excellence and discover the myriads of great thinkers of the past and present,that burning desire to be validated begins to consume me. So I pursue what my goal is with even greater excellence and I may even know a few words that make me sound humble, but inwardly there is a war raging.

Love is the only credible action.
A wise man (Kenny Boles) once told a class I was in that people tend to exclude those who are more liberal than them and to pity (or look down on) those who are more conservative. I have often found myself in that middle position, or sometimes worse, looking with disgust and even a little hatred on both ends of the spectrum. The only credible action to any of this is love. Despite my desire to be vindicated, to be known in later years, loving people is the only action that makes any sense in this world. For there to be redemption and hope, love seems to be the only avenue that those can come about.

Theology done without loving the church in all her marred and vile forms is not helpful.
The only point in doing theology is to help people know God. This assumes that God reveals Godself to us humans, and that we are able to discern what God wants. If a person does theology without loving the church (the community of people who are concerned about understanding God as revealed in Jesus), then that theology is not helpful no matter how correct that theology might be.

Faith should be filled with wonder.
I am not quite sure that faith needs much explanation. Too often I have found people trying to offer explanations for every detail. This is not to say that the stuff of faith should not be explained. This is simply to say that faith should have an aspect of wonder, of awe, of the awareness of the divine. When faith is filled with wonder, I think that faith then has hope to do wonderful things.

This is in no way exhaustive, just a reflective post on a significant part of my life.

Sundays

A few months back, I wrote the following without ever posting:

"Church on Sunday mornings is about the only thing that really makes sense to me right now. This is ironic, because on Sunday's Christians celebrate the mystery of Christ. This mystery makes perfect sense to me. I love Sunday mornings at church. I love sitting in a room filled with the faithful, singing, praying, listening, and celebrating the Eucharist. I love sacred music, in fact, sacred piano might be my absolute favorite type of music."

To continue in this vein, lent has helped me appreciate Sundays. After thinking about how Sundays made complete sense to me, there was a long stretch where I was not in church on Sunday. This was partly due to being in Korea, in addition to me having to work on Sundays (this forces me to attend an early service then leave from church to go to work). When the season of lent came around this time, I knew I needed to give somethings up. I decided to give up alcohol and candy.

Every Sunday in lent is a "feast day" because we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Because I have given two things I do sincerely enjoy, I have found myself looking forward to Sundays again. I must admit my thoughts about Sunday are initially sparked because I am going without stuff I like. But I think that this is almost the purpose of lent, to refocus my mind and heart on the stuff that matters most. I am finding my life to more productive than I had imagined. I am able to read stuff I want to read, in addition to being prepared for class. Last Sunday's sermon my preacher mentioned that the purpose we give up stuff during lent is so the gentle calling of God does not get drowned out with other things that distract us from God's prodding into our lives.

This lent has so far been an opportunity for me to look forward to celebrating the resurrection. The road to the celebration does involve personal reflection and repentance. In realizing how much I cover up the gentle proddings of God with stuff that is only temporal, I have realized how much more is wrong with me than I really wanted to know. But in all of this, there is still the upcoming joy of Sunday, the day of resurrection. It is an exciting and marvelous time. In this lent may you be challenged to see God working within you in new and incredible ways.

Southpark and Justice

I am in Korea for the start of the year 2010. So far this has been a great experience. I teach debate to 5th and 6th graders wanting to learn English. It has been quite pleasant so far. I teach only about 22 hours a week and will be getting paid quite well.

This has been a good break. Not nearly as productive as I would like it to be, but then I am not sure it would be a break if it were overly productive. One pastime I have been enjoying has been watching the TV show South Park. A mildly offensive show that is an equal opportunity chastiser. Anything that has been done poorly, or stupidly gets mocked in this show, and I do mean anything. With much free time in the mountains of Korea I have been able to watch the first season of this show.

While watching South Park I have noticed something that I am sure many before me have noticed already. The character of Kenny is a social critique against us all. Nearly every episode Kenny, the boy who is poor because his dad is an alcoholic (and a redneck mind you), will die by some freak sort of accident. After his death Stan and Kyle (the two main characters) will shout out "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!" This occurrence becomes increasingly funny as it repeatedly happens time and time again in more and more outrageous ways. Beneath the sarcasm there is a sad message to us all.

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and the rest of the South Park community always end up mocking Kenny for being poor. This mockery in some way points out that oppression of the poor is not so much racial as economic. We tend to go after the economically weak in our prejudice. Not only is Kenny mocked but he is killed. However, after the tag line from Stan and Kyle "You bastards!" Nothing is done to help out Kenny's family. In fact, no one seems to notice that Kenny is gone. Life goes on without a hitch. There are no problems when the poor child dies. No one mourns, no one cares, it has effected no one. How true that is of us! How often do we see death and destruction on the poor and weak and then turn a blind eye? Or maybe we see children starving overseas and do nothing to help.

Everyday a Kenny dies. Everyday there is a mother weeping for the loss of a child. Everyday the cry is heard "You bastards!" but nothing is done about it. We go on living like nothing has happened. We forget the names and faces, or at least we cover up the horrors of life with creaturely comforts. Governments can help but are not really the answer. What really will change these problems is people working from the bottom up. People who are united by love to change the problems that plague humanity. Love is the answer.

Evangelism "As Seen on TV"

I remember being a young high school student with an honest zeal for things spiritual. That time in my life was one filled with deep frustration and inability. Wanting to grow closer to God, but not being taught any really sustainable traits, I found what I consider easily measured spirituality. The depth of one's relationship to God was something concretely measurable, it was something seen in specific acts. As long as I claimed to believe the Bible, memorize it, pray, go to church, and evangelize I was on track spiritually. The weightier matters of the law, like love and compassion, were things not to be trifled with, after all they were not as easily measured and one might seem liberal doing them.

Part of the spiritual crucible that I associated with had a passion for evangelism. To tell the whole world has always seemed part of the Christian message in my mind. This meant concrete applications of spreading the good news. I was coming to the end of my high school years and I was certain about going to Bible college. For me then, it was completely natural to go and share the gospel with people. The methods that I was introduced to have lingered in my mouth like the taste of a bad beer. Most prominent among these methods is one of preaching the law before grace. Among Christians it is my understanding that there has been a centuries old debate about what to preach first; law or grace. Starting from the law seems only chronological, however, I believe it leads to failing theology.

The most prominent method I was taught and that I used is endorsed/founded by a man called Ray Comfort. "Hell's Best Kept Secret" is the name of the program. This is a method of bullying people into their guilt under the law. The major venue for this type of evangelism is on the streets with random people. Problems abound with this approach to evangelism. Starting with asking a random person on the street about whether or not she believes she is a good person. Naturally most people will respond by saying, "yes." Next as the evangelizer you should ask her if she has ever told a lie, ever stolen anything, ever looked at man with lust in her heart. To which naturally she will say yes. It is at this point that you lay it on, letting her know that according to the Bible she is a lying, thieving, adulterer. Then you ask if she thinks she will go to heaven. She will probably say yes. Then you ask her how God can let liars and thieves and adulterers into heaven. She will say she doesn't know, then you tell her about Jesus.

If I were to sum up most methods of evangelism I could do so in a way that parallels many products advertised on television. For example the ped egg (a scrapper for your nasty feet): "Tired of calloused feet tearing your pantyhose? Embarrassed how your feet look and feel? Introducing the ped egg! For just one easy payment of ... you can have the great looking feet you deserve" Now think of evangelism, "Tired of you life being terrible? Tired of being a lying thief? Introducing Jesus. For just coming to church and having a few awkward conversations with people telling them they are going to hell, your life can be completely better. You can have the life you deserve."

A few thoughts then come to my mind: when did Christianity become so corporate? Why is the gospel summed up into short quips that betray costly and compassionate grace? There are comical parallels between what is seen on Tv and the gospel, there are also many Christians (or at least people who wear Christian clothing) who come to the As seen on tv store I work at, coincidence I think not. I would love to write more about evangelism and the nature of the church, but I do not have the time.

Mundane Update

What do you do when you stop getting excited? Where do you find life, when there is no spice in it? What stories do you listen to, read, or join when they all sound bland? What happens when life seems only mundane? I find myself, yearning for something exciting, and groundbreaking to happen. Yet most events I encounter make me sad. Most of the information I receive hurts my heart, most of what I need to do is quite a lot less than fulfilling. This may just be my struggle for meaning or it may be something a little bit more. But maybe my desire to have full meaning and “destiny” has been warped. It might be that in the simple and mundane is where I am to find a consuming and present peace.

I find myself currently living a life, and I have to sometimes think that it is not mine. I go to a wonderful graduate school. I am working towards a master of arts in religion. The basic plan is that before I am 26 (or hopefully 25), I will have completed my degree. Then I will be an overeducated child, in the eyes of those who have experienced life. That seems to me myopic for their part, but understandable none the less. Sure I may not have encountered the same sensory events, I may not have participated in the same conversations and tossing abouts of ideas; but I have lived some, and unless all of life is the same mess my story matters to them, and of course, to me.

In my current state, I am working a part-time job in a field that might seem the opposite of my end goal. I work a retail job for a store that sells, stuff (junk more likely) to people who typically would live their lives happily without stopping by my place of work (elderly and impoverished). I must confess there are moments where I really wish that those who come in to my store would leave, so that I would not have to see their faces and expectations. However, in all fairness, most, if not all, of the stuff sold at my work actually functions properly, when used as directed. How does one find life in this situation? Where is the joy and hope?

Just the other day, a coworker of mine revealed to me all of their problems. These problems were most definitely severe and incredibly sad. Ironically, earlier in the week I had been confronted by the fact that I do not have a ‘ministry’ of sorts at the moment. I was even more disappointed when every serving opportunity scheduled at the church I attend takes place in hours I have to work. So I thought to myself that maybe this season in life was for receiving, how naive. It would appear as though God is showing me another area to serve, the mundane and ritual.

Finally, even though I absolutely love the church, I have found myself not desiring to go the past two Sundays. Part of it is that I am quite tired and attending church seems more of a chore than a refreshing experience (even though I am not actually “doing” ministry). But I continue to go and participate in the liturgies, to pray the prayers, hear the sermons, give my money. I continue to do so, because it is by participating in the mundane, the ritual that I will experience life; and maybe even find some life abundant.

Love

“This is obvious; for the distinction of friend or enemy is a distinction in the object of love, but the object of love to your neighbor is always without distinction. Your neighbor is the absolutely unrecognizable distinction between one person and another; it is eternal equality before God – enemies, too, have this equality (100).”

“To love one’s neighbor, therefore, means essentially to will to exist equally for every human being without exception (100).”

Who is my neighbor? That seems like a good question. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves(This is found in Leviticus as well). The golden rule plus the admonition to love is quite a profound idea. Extend love to your neighbor. I know of people who often complain about their neighbors. They are too loud, there are too many people there, they are reducing my house’s retail value. Any reason that we give about why we dislike our neighbors seems only to be the extension of what cannot be called and is not love. Love is demanding. Love is not flippant and love certainly is not cheap. Love will cost you your independence. Love will cost you your desires. Love will force you to care about other people more than yourself. Love is the transforming power of the gospel. Love is absolutely essential for those who follow the gospel.
Soren Kierkegaard will also tell us that the only action that is noticeably defined as love is love. That is a paradox, but insightful and true.

“True love is only recognizable by love (100).”

So I can I be a person filled with hate and rage and malice and bitterness towards people? Maybe, after all, love is complex. But if these feelings of rage and hate and malice and bitterness lack the grounding foundation of love what in the world does it matter to anyone. To love is the only practical part of Christianity.
Who is my neighbor? Everyone. All peoples, anyone who is alive. My neighbor is black, white, brown. My neighbor is short, tall, fat, skinny. My neighbor speaks Arabic, Chinese, Spanish, English, French, German, Swahili, Lingala, Kikongo, Kiluba… My neighbor is the world and my neighbor is clamoring for my love.
So I will love those who do not love me in return. I will love my enemy, because my enemy is my neighbor. I will love the my neighbor’s when they fight, and I will give myself to solve their conflicts. I will care about my neighbor’s life more than my own. I will be a person who loves. Love is the element of existence that transcends reality. When we love we are no longer fitting within the paradigms of this world. We no longer act as we should, we act better, smartter and in line with God’s kingdom.

If you follow Christ and you do not love are you really following him?