Holding on to Hesed

Sonnet For Ambrose

2010-11-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

When God saved Noah from the flooded earth,

The mystery of our entrance rite was told:

Water and blood do wash away all dirt

That sin and evil spread from days of old.

The ark, its wood did hold the Lord of all

A king who suffered for humanity

The raven did not answer Noah’s call

For it was sin in all its revelry

But as the dove descends from up above

And if inside and outside you are just

The Spirit will preserve your soul in love,

Tranquility of mind, and peace or bust

So if the mystery you still don’t see

Consult Ambrose’s On the Mysteries

Ambrose of Milan On the Mysteries:

"10. Take another testimony. All flesh was corrupt by its iniquities. “My Spirit,” says God, “shall not remain among men, because they are flesh.” Whereby God shows that the grace of the Spirit is turned away by carnal impurity and the pollution of grave sin. Upon which, God, willing to restore what was lacking, sent the flood and bade just Noah go up into the ark. And he, after having, as the flood was passing off, sent forth first a raven which did not return, sent forth a dove which is said to have returned with an olive twig. You see the water, you see the wood [of the ark], you see the dove, and do you hesitate as to the mystery?

11. The water, then, is that in which the flesh is dipped, that all carnal sin may be washed away. All wickedness is there buried. The wood is that on which the Lord Jesus was fastened when He suffered for us. The dove is that in the form of which the Holy Spirit descended, as you have read in the New Testament, Who inspires in you peace of soul and tranquillity of mind. The raven is the figure of sin, which goes forth and does not return, if, in you, too, inwardly and outwardly righteousness be preserved."

Reflections after 6 years of theological training

2010-06-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have spent the last 6 years of my life in college and graduate school. This time has been devoted to the study of theology. My knowledge base is much larger than it was when I began. I have acquired skills in different languages and have had many wonderful conversations with people. Out of the hundreds of lectures I have listened to, I vaguely remember only a handful. Out of the dozens of papers I have written and hundreds of sermons/lessons I have taught, I feel ashamed of nearly all of them. Still, I feel the need for the love of God to be proclaimed to the world. It is in that vein that I offer some of my ruminations concerning theological training. It should be disclaimed that most of this is just from the inner wars of myself.

Humility is often lost in the pursuit of excellence.
Within myself there is an incredible desire to be validated. When someone wrongs me, I want to make sure I get the last word. When someone does something better than me, I want my accomplishment, however meager, to be noticed as well. It seems to me that when I pursue excellence and discover the myriads of great thinkers of the past and present,that burning desire to be validated begins to consume me. So I pursue what my goal is with even greater excellence and I may even know a few words that make me sound humble, but inwardly there is a war raging.

Love is the only credible action.
A wise man (Kenny Boles) once told a class I was in that people tend to exclude those who are more liberal than them and to pity (or look down on) those who are more conservative. I have often found myself in that middle position, or sometimes worse, looking with disgust and even a little hatred on both ends of the spectrum. The only credible action to any of this is love. Despite my desire to be vindicated, to be known in later years, loving people is the only action that makes any sense in this world. For there to be redemption and hope, love seems to be the only avenue that those can come about.

Theology done without loving the church in all her marred and vile forms is not helpful.
The only point in doing theology is to help people know God. This assumes that God reveals Godself to us humans, and that we are able to discern what God wants. If a person does theology without loving the church (the community of people who are concerned about understanding God as revealed in Jesus), then that theology is not helpful no matter how correct that theology might be.

Faith should be filled with wonder.
I am not quite sure that faith needs much explanation. Too often I have found people trying to offer explanations for every detail. This is not to say that the stuff of faith should not be explained. This is simply to say that faith should have an aspect of wonder, of awe, of the awareness of the divine. When faith is filled with wonder, I think that faith then has hope to do wonderful things.

This is in no way exhaustive, just a reflective post on a significant part of my life.

Sundays

2010-02-27T10:36:00.000-08:00

A few months back, I wrote the following without ever posting:

"Church on Sunday mornings is about the only thing that really makes sense to me right now. This is ironic, because on Sunday's Christians celebrate the mystery of Christ. This mystery makes perfect sense to me. I love Sunday mornings at church. I love sitting in a room filled with the faithful, singing, praying, listening, and celebrating the Eucharist. I love sacred music, in fact, sacred piano might be my absolute favorite type of music."

To continue in this vein, lent has helped me appreciate Sundays. After thinking about how Sundays made complete sense to me, there was a long stretch where I was not in church on Sunday. This was partly due to being in Korea, in addition to me having to work on Sundays (this forces me to attend an early service then leave from church to go to work). When the season of lent came around this time, I knew I needed to give somethings up. I decided to give up alcohol and candy.

Every Sunday in lent is a "feast day" because we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. Because I have given two things I do sincerely enjoy, I have found myself looking forward to Sundays again. I must admit my thoughts about Sunday are initially sparked because I am going without stuff I like. But I think that this is almost the purpose of lent, to refocus my mind and heart on the stuff that matters most. I am finding my life to more productive than I had imagined. I am able to read stuff I want to read, in addition to being prepared for class. Last Sunday's sermon my preacher mentioned that the purpose we give up stuff during lent is so the gentle calling of God does not get drowned out with other things that distract us from God's prodding into our lives.

This lent has so far been an opportunity for me to look forward to celebrating the resurrection. The road to the celebration does involve personal reflection and repentance. In realizing how much I cover up the gentle proddings of God with stuff that is only temporal, I have realized how much more is wrong with me than I really wanted to know. But in all of this, there is still the upcoming joy of Sunday, the day of resurrection. It is an exciting and marvelous time. In this lent may you be challenged to see God working within you in new and incredible ways.

Southpark and Justice

2010-01-11T18:33:00.000-08:00

I am in Korea for the start of the year 2010. So far this has been a great experience. I teach debate to 5th and 6th graders wanting to learn English. It has been quite pleasant so far. I teach only about 22 hours a week and will be getting paid quite well.

This has been a good break. Not nearly as productive as I would like it to be, but then I am not sure it would be a break if it were overly productive. One pastime I have been enjoying has been watching the TV show South Park. A mildly offensive show that is an equal opportunity chastiser. Anything that has been done poorly, or stupidly gets mocked in this show, and I do mean anything. With much free time in the mountains of Korea I have been able to watch the first season of this show.

While watching South Park I have noticed something that I am sure many before me have noticed already. The character of Kenny is a social critique against us all. Nearly every episode Kenny, the boy who is poor because his dad is an alcoholic (and a redneck mind you), will die by some freak sort of accident. After his death Stan and Kyle (the two main characters) will shout out "Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! You bastards!" This occurrence becomes increasingly funny as it repeatedly happens time and time again in more and more outrageous ways. Beneath the sarcasm there is a sad message to us all.

Stan, Kyle, Cartman and the rest of the South Park community always end up mocking Kenny for being poor. This mockery in some way points out that oppression of the poor is not so much racial as economic. We tend to go after the economically weak in our prejudice. Not only is Kenny mocked but he is killed. However, after the tag line from Stan and Kyle "You bastards!" Nothing is done to help out Kenny's family. In fact, no one seems to notice that Kenny is gone. Life goes on without a hitch. There are no problems when the poor child dies. No one mourns, no one cares, it has effected no one. How true that is of us! How often do we see death and destruction on the poor and weak and then turn a blind eye? Or maybe we see children starving overseas and do nothing to help.

Everyday a Kenny dies. Everyday there is a mother weeping for the loss of a child. Everyday the cry is heard "You bastards!" but nothing is done about it. We go on living like nothing has happened. We forget the names and faces, or at least we cover up the horrors of life with creaturely comforts. Governments can help but are not really the answer. What really will change these problems is people working from the bottom up. People who are united by love to change the problems that plague humanity. Love is the answer.

Evangelism "As Seen on TV"

2009-10-14T21:47:00.000-07:00

I remember being a young high school student with an honest zeal for things spiritual. That time in my life was one filled with deep frustration and inability. Wanting to grow closer to God, but not being taught any really sustainable traits, I found what I consider easily measured spirituality. The depth of one's relationship to God was something concretely measurable, it was something seen in specific acts. As long as I claimed to believe the Bible, memorize it, pray, go to church, and evangelize I was on track spiritually. The weightier matters of the law, like love and compassion, were things not to be trifled with, after all they were not as easily measured and one might seem liberal doing them.

Part of the spiritual crucible that I associated with had a passion for evangelism. To tell the whole world has always seemed part of the Christian message in my mind. This meant concrete applications of spreading the good news. I was coming to the end of my high school years and I was certain about going to Bible college. For me then, it was completely natural to go and share the gospel with people. The methods that I was introduced to have lingered in my mouth like the taste of a bad beer. Most prominent among these methods is one of preaching the law before grace. Among Christians it is my understanding that there has been a centuries old debate about what to preach first; law or grace. Starting from the law seems only chronological, however, I believe it leads to failing theology.

The most prominent method I was taught and that I used is endorsed/founded by a man called Ray Comfort. "Hell's Best Kept Secret" is the name of the program. This is a method of bullying people into their guilt under the law. The major venue for this type of evangelism is on the streets with random people. Problems abound with this approach to evangelism. Starting with asking a random person on the street about whether or not she believes she is a good person. Naturally most people will respond by saying, "yes." Next as the evangelizer you should ask her if she has ever told a lie, ever stolen anything, ever looked at man with lust in her heart. To which naturally she will say yes. It is at this point that you lay it on, letting her know that according to the Bible she is a lying, thieving, adulterer. Then you ask if she thinks she will go to heaven. She will probably say yes. Then you ask her how God can let liars and thieves and adulterers into heaven. She will say she doesn't know, then you tell her about Jesus.

If I were to sum up most methods of evangelism I could do so in a way that parallels many products advertised on television. For example the ped egg (a scrapper for your nasty feet): "Tired of calloused feet tearing your pantyhose? Embarrassed how your feet look and feel? Introducing the ped egg! For just one easy payment of ... you can have the great looking feet you deserve" Now think of evangelism, "Tired of you life being terrible? Tired of being a lying thief? Introducing Jesus. For just coming to church and having a few awkward conversations with people telling them they are going to hell, your life can be completely better. You can have the life you deserve."

A few thoughts then come to my mind: when did Christianity become so corporate? Why is the gospel summed up into short quips that betray costly and compassionate grace? There are comical parallels between what is seen on Tv and the gospel, there are also many Christians (or at least people who wear Christian clothing) who come to the As seen on tv store I work at, coincidence I think not. I would love to write more about evangelism and the nature of the church, but I do not have the time.

Mundane Update

2009-10-04T19:11:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you stop getting excited? Where do you find life, when there is no spice in it? What stories do you listen to, read, or join when they all sound bland? What happens when life seems only mundane? I find myself, yearning for something exciting, and groundbreaking to happen. Yet most events I encounter make me sad. Most of the information I receive hurts my heart, most of what I need to do is quite a lot less than fulfilling. This may just be my struggle for meaning or it may be something a little bit more. But maybe my desire to have full meaning and “destiny” has been warped. It might be that in the simple and mundane is where I am to find a consuming and present peace.

I find myself currently living a life, and I have to sometimes think that it is not mine. I go to a wonderful graduate school. I am working towards a master of arts in religion. The basic plan is that before I am 26 (or hopefully 25), I will have completed my degree. Then I will be an overeducated child, in the eyes of those who have experienced life. That seems to me myopic for their part, but understandable none the less. Sure I may not have encountered the same sensory events, I may not have participated in the same conversations and tossing abouts of ideas; but I have lived some, and unless all of life is the same mess my story matters to them, and of course, to me.

In my current state, I am working a part-time job in a field that might seem the opposite of my end goal. I work a retail job for a store that sells, stuff (junk more likely) to people who typically would live their lives happily without stopping by my place of work (elderly and impoverished). I must confess there are moments where I really wish that those who come in to my store would leave, so that I would not have to see their faces and expectations. However, in all fairness, most, if not all, of the stuff sold at my work actually functions properly, when used as directed. How does one find life in this situation? Where is the joy and hope?

Just the other day, a coworker of mine revealed to me all of their problems. These problems were most definitely severe and incredibly sad. Ironically, earlier in the week I had been confronted by the fact that I do not have a ‘ministry’ of sorts at the moment. I was even more disappointed when every serving opportunity scheduled at the church I attend takes place in hours I have to work. So I thought to myself that maybe this season in life was for receiving, how naive. It would appear as though God is showing me another area to serve, the mundane and ritual.

Finally, even though I absolutely love the church, I have found myself not desiring to go the past two Sundays. Part of it is that I am quite tired and attending church seems more of a chore than a refreshing experience (even though I am not actually “doing” ministry). But I continue to go and participate in the liturgies, to pray the prayers, hear the sermons, give my money. I continue to do so, because it is by participating in the mundane, the ritual that I will experience life; and maybe even find some life abundant.

Love

2009-08-21T20:17:00.000-07:00

“This is obvious; for the distinction of friend or enemy is a distinction in the object of love, but the object of love to your neighbor is always without distinction. Your neighbor is the absolutely unrecognizable distinction between one person and another; it is eternal equality before God – enemies, too, have this equality (100).”

“To love one’s neighbor, therefore, means essentially to will to exist equally for every human being without exception (100).”

Who is my neighbor? That seems like a good question. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves(This is found in Leviticus as well). The golden rule plus the admonition to love is quite a profound idea. Extend love to your neighbor. I know of people who often complain about their neighbors. They are too loud, there are too many people there, they are reducing my house’s retail value. Any reason that we give about why we dislike our neighbors seems only to be the extension of what cannot be called and is not love. Love is demanding. Love is not flippant and love certainly is not cheap. Love will cost you your independence. Love will cost you your desires. Love will force you to care about other people more than yourself. Love is the transforming power of the gospel. Love is absolutely essential for those who follow the gospel.
Soren Kierkegaard will also tell us that the only action that is noticeably defined as love is love. That is a paradox, but insightful and true.

“True love is only recognizable by love (100).”

So I can I be a person filled with hate and rage and malice and bitterness towards people? Maybe, after all, love is complex. But if these feelings of rage and hate and malice and bitterness lack the grounding foundation of love what in the world does it matter to anyone. To love is the only practical part of Christianity.
Who is my neighbor? Everyone. All peoples, anyone who is alive. My neighbor is black, white, brown. My neighbor is short, tall, fat, skinny. My neighbor speaks Arabic, Chinese, Spanish, English, French, German, Swahili, Lingala, Kikongo, Kiluba… My neighbor is the world and my neighbor is clamoring for my love.
So I will love those who do not love me in return. I will love my enemy, because my enemy is my neighbor. I will love the my neighbor’s when they fight, and I will give myself to solve their conflicts. I will care about my neighbor’s life more than my own. I will be a person who loves. Love is the element of existence that transcends reality. When we love we are no longer fitting within the paradigms of this world. We no longer act as we should, we act better, smartter and in line with God’s kingdom.

If you follow Christ and you do not love are you really following him?

On the Nature of Scripture

2009-08-18T20:55:00.001-07:00

I read an article by Robert Hull Jr. on the nature of Scripture here are some of my observations.

The Bible is the product of human understanding of the divine's interaction with the world. For Scripture to be inspired does not necessitate that Scripture must come from God via plenary inspiration. God does not have to dictate the Scriptures to peoples. Because the Scriptures seem to be the recordings of God's interaction with humanity, these are bound to have a degree of fallibility. All of this is to say that the Bible is not void of tradition. God did not dictate that these 66 (or however many if your normal and not protestant) books should be in and the rest out. The formation of the cannon of Scripture is the product of fallible people forming a useful collection of works.

From the article it is mentioned that the three areas in which the council's found criteria for the NT cannon.

1.) Apostolicity--agreeing with the tradition of the apostles. The rule of faith and the rule of truth, ideas coming from Iraneaus and Tertullian.
2.) Orthodoxy--that the book/work conformed to the rule of faith (teachings of the apostles), I guess this would be more in the area agreements in principle. Maybe taking an idea of the apostles and expanding it in a different area than the apostles had intended.
3.) Antiquity--closer to the time of the 1st century the better.

That being said, what of the OT? It is asserted in this article that a form of the OT/Hebrew Bible cannon was already in existence. This is strengthened by Josephus in Against Apion 1:8, where Josephus speaks of the three way division of the Hebrew Scriptures.

So where does this leave the Bible? It would seem that Scripture is formed neither completely apart from nor controlled by tradition. Instead tradition is a form of glue that holds the Scriptures together. A balsa wood model is not the model until the wood is glued together. Similarly, Scripture is not Scripture unless glued together by the tradition of the church.

In addition to tradition and the text, we also will at some point need to discuss how a person's experience affects the text. So that will be that for now.

I'm just sitting here being...Provocative

2009-08-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

“if I apprehend God objectively, I do not have faith; but because I cannot do this, I must have faith (70).”

If it is possible to come to know God in an objective world, then faith is not possible. There is no need for faith when there is all you need to know, in a form of truth ‘out there.’

"Objectivity and faith are at complete odds with each other. What does objective faith mean? Doesn’t it amount to nothing more than a sum of tenets? (72)”

When one can know God through objective truth, then she can ascend to the gospel. She can mentally ascend, by agreeing with key, “objective,” tenets of Christianity. She can tell me the facts of the old, old story and therefore, she has made it to understanding the gospel. But isn’t there something in the gospel about descent? Isn’t the beauty of the gospel about God’s descent into humanity? God’s descent into humanity is beyond our objective reason precisely because it doesn’t make any sense.

“For an existing individual, therefore, there is no objective truth “out there.” An objective knowledge about the truth or the truths of Christianity is precisely untruth. To know a creed by rote is, quite simply, paganism. This is because Christianity is inwardness. Christianity is paradox, and paradox requires but one thing: the passion of faith (73).”

Faith is most definitely inward. It would seem that our existence is where we might begin. Inside of us, there is a yearning for faith.

More from Soren...So Good!!!

2009-07-02T15:08:00.001-07:00

Here are some more thoughts from Soren Kierkegaard, on the issue of truth and its being objective or subjective.

"When approached objectively, the question of truth is only about categories of thought. Approached subjectively, however, truth is about inwardness. At its maximum, the how of inwardness is the passion of the infinite, and the passion of the infinite is the essential truth. Decision exists only in subjectivity. Thus the passion of the infinite, not its content, is the deciding factor, for its content is precisely itself. In this way the subjective how and subjectivity, not the objective what and objectivity, are the truth" (Provocation 59-60).

"God is a subject to be related to, not an object to be studied or mediated on. He exists only for subjective inwardness. The person who chooses the subjective way immediately grasps the difficulty of trying to find God objectively. He understands that to know God means to resort to God, not by virtue of objective deliberation, but by virtue of the infinite passion of inwardness. Whereas objective knowledge goes along leisurely on the long road of deliberation, subjective knowledge considers every delay of decision a deadly peril. Knowing subjectively considers decision so important that it is immediately urgent, as if the delayed opportunity had already passed by unused (60)."

I do not think we humans can know objective truth. I am a dabbler in philosophy and what comes next are some of my thoughts about the nature of objectivity and subjectivity. Feel free to critique and show me my flaws, I need to hear other people's thoughts on this issue.

It is my understanding that a philosophical definition of 'objective truth' would go something along the lines of the following: a proposition that is true no matter what, whether or not a person acknowledges it. I am not sure I like this concept, if my understanding of objective truth is correct. My dilemma is this: the only way a person knows truth is through subjectivity. We can only understand truth through the lenses of our biases and experiences. We do not understand life in an objective manner. Also, to compound the issue, we have a relationship (very loose meaning to this word here) to every truth we know. So because we only understand truth through subjectivity it would seem that we can never know if there is objective truth.

I will try to demonstrate: suppose you see a person sitting in a chair facing a wall, behind that person is a large pink elephant. Now the person looking at the wall does not see (have a relationship) with the pink elephant, all that person sees is the wall. You tell this person that behind her is a pink elephant and she calls you crazy. Finally she turns around and sees the pink elephant. What she has done is create a relationship with the pink elephant. She did not know that there was a pink elephant behind her until she turned around, thus she CAN NOT possibly know if the elephant was there the whole time. She only knows the elephant in relation to her experience with it. Whether or not the elephant was there is impossible for her to know. In the same way, we cannot know if truth is objective. It is out of our realm of understanding.

Some thoughts on Truth and Jesus

2009-07-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

Here are some thoughts from Soren Kierkegaard's Provocations, enjoy:

"he whose life is expressly the truth and who at every moment demonstrates more powerfully by his life what truth is than all the most profound lectures of the cleverest thinkers" (pg. 51-52).

"Christ is the truth in the sense that to be the truth is the only true explanation of it; the only true way of acquiring it. Truth is not a sum of statements, not a definition, not a system of concepts, but a life. Truth is not a property of thought that guarantees validity to thinking. No, truth in its most essential character is the reduplication* of truth within yourself, within me, within him. Your life, my life, his life expresses the truth in the striving. Just as the truth was a life in Christ, so too, for us truth must be lived.

*Reduplication is Kierkegaard’s term meaning to exist in what one understands, to manifest the truth in one’s life. It means to live out in life the challenges of thought, to be what one says" (pg. 52).

So Weddings Make Me Vomit

2009-06-28T14:29:00.001-07:00

But not really.

This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to be the best man in a good friends wedding. The wedding was not terrible. In fact as weddings go it was quite nice. There were no major failings of any person(s) that would make this wedding fall short. It was good.

Being the best man I had to give a speech. So I used a quote that I had heard in another speech to be the crux of the toast. From Eve's Diary by Mark Twain, Adam is looking over Eve's grave and says, "Wherever she was, there was Eden."

After saying my goodbyes to everyone at the reception, I sat down in the Aveo (the rental car) and I had a massive migraine. My head was in excruciating pain. Driving down the road Josh Smith and I realized that Chad had left his toiletry in my car. Chad was heading in the opposite direction. So I pulled off and left the toiletry at a gas station for Chad to pick up. Unable to drive anymore I had Josh take the wheel and after a little 1/2 hour break we started down the road. About 15 minutes later I had Josh pull the car over so that I could vomit, and vomit I did.

In the last 10 years I have vomited 2x both coming after a wedding.

Well, that is all I had to say.

The Provocative Choice

2009-05-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

The Elder of First John tells us, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever."

In a similar manner, Soren expands on the privilege of choice. Humans are endowed with the privilege of choice. We all desire to make good choices, but these choices are predicated on the fact that we have the capacity of choice. The most fundamental choice available for humanity is whether or not to love God. This love manifests itself in obedience. There is an unalterable call to obey the one you love. For any act of disobedience is an act that is not of love for the other, but love for the self.

"If you are not obedient in everything unconditionally, without qualification, you don’t love him, and if you don’t love him – then you hate him. If you are not obedient in everything unconditionally, then you are not bound to him, and if you are not bound to him then you despise him" (pg. 11).

What leads to our choices of hatred? Soren would tell us it is ambiguity. Being in a state of the unknown makes it difficult to trust God. In moments of uncertainty Satan finds a way to lead us into temptation. Temptation arises out of a lack of trust in God's goodness. And it is this lack of trust that lets the temptation take us over.

"When unclarity resides, there is temptation, and there it proves only too easily the stronger. Wherever there is ambiguity, wherever there is wavering, there is disobedience down at the bottom" (12).

It is all too often easy to doubt God's goodness for us. We are too easily shifted off of the solid ground of trust. It may have something to do with our independant culture, it may just be within our nature. Nonetheless, there is something quite foolish about us. We leave the security of trust to find the insecurity of doubt and temptation. Part of this may too be a choice. We may be called to choose to trust. In trusting God, we can love him. In loving God, we obey him.

To not love is to hate. We are given the responsibility, the privilege of choice. We can choose daily whether or not we are going to love God. We are then given the choice, to love or to hate. Either we will love the one and despise the other, or be devoted to the one and hate the other.

Provocative

2009-05-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

I have hopefully begun a new and good journey. I am reading a book called, Provocations. It is a reader of Soren Kierkegaard, the great Christian Danish philosopher. Periodically I hope to shed light on what I am thinking about this book, especially as I am reading this quite slowly.

We begin the book with a discussion about decision. In discussing the lack of decision making Soren says, "There is nothing more harmful for your soul than to hold back and not get moving "(4). What true words! I am reminded of the Proverb, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life" (13:12). Too often the pains of our lives can be solved by the making of a decision. The starting of a path can calm the oceans of unrest and anxiety. When we as people sit in a period of limbo and waiting our souls yearn for something more, something better. There is something existentially important about making decisions.

We find that the need for decision is the archenemy of decision, cowardice. We all seem to have bits of cowardice in us. Ironically, this cowardice is one of the most disdained attributes to be found in anyone. Yet what counteracts cowardice is decision, "The thing that cowardice fears most is decision; for decision always scatters the mists, at least for a moment (5)." Decision seems to clear away the mist. Decision makes unrest restful.

Finally we see that decision is our response to the wickedness inside of us all. Decision is a choice of obedience. Decision is submission. To decide to do right is to side with God. "For God loves obedience more than good intentions or second-best offerings, which are all too often made under the guise of weakness (7)."

Dare to decide to follow the paths of righteousness. Dare to obey.

April Showers, May Flowers drown

2009-05-01T10:44:00.000-07:00

It is raining, a lot. I love the rain, I really do. I love it when it is cold outside and there is rain falling from the sky. I love the darkness that rain clouds bring. There is something very soothing about the rain. I wish it would rain more often.

It didn't rain a lot for Elijah. I have found recently that one of the greatest joys of the Christian experience is being a part of the story. I am a character in the grand narrative of God. I have a role to play, a part to perform, and this is excellent. I have purpose. But, I am expendable. God can use many other extras and understudies to fill my role. I matter, but I don't. In this line of thinking I am reminded of the prophet Elijah. Now there is someone who knew the Scriptures and the power of God. Elijah called fire from heaven down to consume a soaked and drenched sacrifice. Elijah predicted a famine of 3 years, and no rain. Elijah helped keep a widow alive on practically nothing. Elijah knew the power of God. Yet even the great and might Elijah had times of little purpose. I recall a time where Elijah was tired and weary and felt all alone. It was at this point that God tells Elijah, "get up and do your work! I have 7,000 prophets who have not bowed the knee to Baal." In essence, God is saying that Elijah matters, but he really doesn't. It is a privilege to serve God, not a right.

So much of our individualistic culture says that we are entitled to rights. I am not sure how Biblical that type of thinking is. How much am I entitled to in the Bible? God is the only entitled one. I am God's subject, sent to do his bidding. I am entitled to obey. There is not a lot of choice in obedience. I can either chose to obey or not to. Why is obedience so difficult? What makes following orders a task and not a joy? It may have something to do with the Fall of humanity. Because we are psuedo "like God knowing good from evil" we think our plan is better. Our plan makes me happy now, my plan helps me out, my plan is better. Obedience is important, no, essential. If we do not obey the master's call, we do not follow Christ.

Obedience does not ask my opinion. Obedience is not concerned about my feelings. Obedience does not ask for me to solve all problems. Obedience is not preoccupied with me. Obedience is about God.

Obedience is a choice.

So as rain falls on the just and unjust, as the sun shines on the wicked and the holy, I am called to obey. The funny thing about obeying is that when I obey, all of my opinions and feelings seem to get taken care of in an even better manner.

Waiting

2009-04-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

I am coming to the close of my tenure in undergraduate bible college. It has been a long time coming, at least for me. For five years I have lived in the same dorm, on the same floor, and for three of those years in the same room. Now life rears its ugly head around the corner, calling me to something new and different. As I look back on my five years at OCC I am glad to have made the choice I made to study here. Graduation day will be a day of sweet good-byes. It has been at OCC that my thinking has matured, that my abilities to decipher God's word have been honed, and that I have developed many eternal relationships that I would trade nothing for. There has been a lot of good come to my life because of OCC.

But, I am also anxious, and yes it is probably sinful. I am anxious about going through another cycle of meeting new people. I am anxious about finding a 'job' and a place to live. I am anxious about leaving the security of familiarity for the frontier of the unknown. I am anxious thinking that I have to face this journey alone. No doubt God is with me, but that is just it, it is me and God. Certainly enough, but still there is a longing for something, more.

The anxiety I feel over making these 'life decisions' is coupled with an anxiety toward what I leave behind. I worry that the investments that I have made in people in the last five years will vanish. I fear that the fragile balance that I leave certain issues like dorm life and the state of Christ's Church of Perseverance will enevitably crumble. I fear this, not because I doubt the fortitude and wisdom of those I leave behind, but because of the poor state I leave things. I fear that my legacy (if one can use such a word) will be that he left things in a bind. Then I ponder and think that this might be how I leave everything, in a state of chaos. What if everything I touch turns to rubble? What if I have the opposite of the midas touch?

These fears and anxieties flow in like the gentle waves of the ocean's tide. Slowly the creep up on me, gently they move in, until I am finally soaked to the bone in worry and despair. In times like this I hear the words of Paul, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which transcends understanding shall keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." But sometimes I don't believe those words. Sometimes the worry and despair flow over the confidence of believe and trust. Where does one turn when worry outweighs trust? How does one find confidence in the midst of anxiety?

Isaiah's call, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee" rings but my heart and soul don't feel it. I know cognitavely that everythign will be okay, but my soul cries different. The consoloation of those who have their plans already made mean little, to those who wait in pain.

So I guess I pray. I guess I focus on God. I guess I try to trust. It is hard. It is not fun. I guess I serve. I guess I talk, even though the answers seemingly never come. I listen. Knowing that the prophet's call is true. Knowing that Paul's challege will bring joy. I wait. I wait. I wait.

40 days without facebook

2009-04-13T11:27:00.000-07:00

So I just finished forty days without facebook. It was not really that difficult. I survived. I guess you could say that I did a little more than survive, I made it just fine. Life was good without facebook. Then I went back to facebook, and was amazed how much it changed. I felt like a stranger in a strange land when I returned to facebook. I am lost and confused, but life is still good. That is all I really wanted to say.

Here is nothing...

2009-03-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

So I haven't posted in a little while, but I have come to some conclusions about life. People are messed up. People are so messed up that we ignore the solutions to conflicts. I hate conflicts, recently, I have been exposed to what would seem to be conflicts of race. I have come to conclude that ignorance breeds racism. When a person is ignorant of another is the precise time that this same ignorant person can dehumanize someone who is ostensibly different. Education fights ignorance. Education fights against racism. Education fights against poverty. Education fights and generally wins. I have not enough thoughts on this issue to relate it well to the church, but I would say that the church right now has tended to forget education in areas other than the Bible. We teach the Bible, and that is about it. It would seem that we Westerners have created a dichotomy between the Physical and the Spiritual. This dichotomy neglects the interconnected relationship that both the physical and the Spiritual share. So teach people how to read, teach them about Jesus, teach them how to live healthy, teach them about the Spirit, teach them the Gospel. Give people the good news that is for the whole person, not just his spirit. Jesus came bringing life to the full, is that what his church is giving?

Why I Struggle With Being American...

2009-02-19T10:18:00.000-08:00

So I will be honest and admit it, I struggle being an American. I have not read many seminal books that discuss issues of global poverty and oppression. I have not really done a whole lot of thinking on the issues. But I have studied the Bible a little bit and have found that many American Christians ignore some of the basic teachings of the gospel in order to satisfy the American dream inside of them.

This past Tuesday in chapel at OCC we had a good message. However, there was one part of the message that made me incredibly angry. If this part were at the end of the message I would have been more angry leaving, instead it was at the beginning and ended up making me stop listening well. The statement was something that I hear a lot from Christians in America. Here it is: "God cares more about a person's soul than anything else. Therefore our primary mission as the church is evangelism and not social justice." This is not an exact quote.

Sounds good right? Well not to me. The Greek word for soul psuke is often translated "life" in the New Testament. This is not saying that the person's life is their soul, rather that a person's whole being is included in the soul. In this sense God does care about the soul more than anything else, because the soul encompasses the whole person. What I am really ticked off about is this subordinating of taking care of the poor and disenfranchised that I see in many white, middle-class, conservative, American Christians. When all of my physical needs are taken care of, then I do not have to worry about anything except my "soul." Keep in mind when most American's think of a soul they are not thinking of the entire life, but some ethereal entity of humanity. I would have to say that the majority of these sayings from us rich American's come out of ignorance, not because we do not know, but because we choose to not know. We choose to think that all God cares about is whether or not someone is going to heaven, and we forget that we are to pray for God's heaven to come to earth. "Our Father in heaven hallowed by your name. Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven..." Ironically, the offering appeal that was taken up after the sermon was for people who are going to Haiti to help out at a Christian school. In the offering appeal it was mentioned that children in Haiti are so poor and malnourished that they eat goat poop. But God cares more about their soul? Please.

Later Tuesday night I dinner at a friend's house and there were some people there with whom I am not as close. Somehow our conversation got awkward. My friend whose house I was at has a friend who is a woman considering plastic surgery, for no other reason than that she thinks she would look better. We were discussing whether this is wrong or not. I began to explain a simple fact that if for one year the people of the US did not buy make up or clothing that the amount of money saved could provide food, water, clothing, education, and medical help for everyone in the world. In the middle of my explanation a person there said, "Don't give me the Bible college guilt trip..." Kids are eating goat crap, and an affluent Christian American woman wants a boob job to look better. What is wrong with us? A Christian woman thinks she needs bigger breasts because our society has told her so. Our society built off of pornography and lust has told her that she needs to conform to a certain man-made image that is not imago dei. We have told a good person that she is not pretty enough and she needs to spend money and becoming more and more pretty so that she can be loved and fulfilled. Children are eating clay because there is not enough food.

The Christian's goal is to bring total and complete humanity back to people. In a critique of an article I wrote for one of my classes I said that the church should hail the cause of social justice. My professor's response was only a question, "Do you really believe this? Shouldn't the church worry about evangelism?" How mad this makes me I cannot describe in kind language. There are over 2,000 verses in the Bible that speak about taking care of the poor. 2,000!!! Yes I believe that the church should preach social justice. Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't if it were to cost me my comfort and my stability. I would if it were to make me seem more "liberal" than what is socially acceptable. Jesus was homeless! Now that my rant is kind of over, I will explain what I think needs to happen.

In creation we were created in the image of God (imago dei) according to Genesis 1:27. We were made like God. The only image of God we have thus far in Genesis is creator/organizer. We were created with a desire to create and to organize. This has been tainted by sin. We have lost our original image and have taken on another. But thanks be to Christ who has made us truly human again. Now that we are truly human, we can create. We can imagine and invent and organize and sort and all sorts of wonderful things. But our task is to help other people get to the point where they can do just that create. Children cannot be children when they have to eat goat crap. What the hell has infiltrated the church to make people think that God doesn't care as much about children eating fecal matter as he does about whether or not they are going to heaven? Our task as Christians is to restore people to God (2 Corinthians 5). Being restored to God is something that encompasses all of existence. It is not just your non-tangible soul, but all of who you are and are meant to be. Yes the church should speak out against human trafficking, yes the church should speak out against poverty (especially here in America where we do not struggle with anything but over eating), yes we should give people a cup of cold water in Jesus' name. Why do have to get defensive when we are confronted with the problems of poverty? Could it be because we have too much and give far too little?

A New Name in Glory

2009-02-05T21:24:00.000-08:00

Every so often there are events that remind us of our human frailty. These events can either inspire us to live life in a way in which we experience all of the beauty and majesty that is life, or they can darken our days and cause deep inner turmoil.

I have experienced two of these events this past week and am probably failing to live life to its fullest.

Aaron Calderon was one of my coaches. Throughout high school I had quite a few coaches, due largely to the fact that I played three sports. Each coach was a treasure and a joy to have. Someone older (sometimes a lot older) who would invest their time and energy into teaching me and my teammates the joys of working hard and together toward a common goal. Aaron was one of these men. Coach Calderon, as I called him, loved all sports. His heart was intense for competition. Yet his devotions lied in his family and in his faith. What will always stick out to me about Coach Calderon is a conversation I had with him on a trip up to play either North County Christian School, or the school in Cambria we used to play. We were in the blue van that the school used and we were talking about things spiritual. I was sitting, not up front, but in the first row of the back seats. He was seated up in the passenger seat. It was then that he turned around and asked me a question, "When does eternal life start?" I answered quickly and without much thought, "I suppose once we die." He looked at me with a smirk and said, "No, actually eternal life starts the day you become a Christian." The truth of his statement was undeniable and this truth has already had a lasting impact on my ministry. Just this past Tuesday I received news that Coach Calderon had died. He wasn't old at all, his children are all younger than I am. My heart breaks for the family. I look at his life and I see a man who worked hard so that his family could have a better life. He would work a night job and another job, just to support his family. On top of providing for his family, he would spend time coaching and mentoring. I now trust that his life has continued into glory, that he has passed through this life and found Jesus waiting for him. I can imagine him hearing the words from our Father, 'Well done, my faithful servant.' And I can see him saying, "I knew my life was just beginning."

Thursday of this week I had the joy to bless residents at a nursing home. Older people generally don't scare me much anymore. I have preached at a church for nearly 3 years whose congregation is quite a bit older than what I am used to. While at this nursing home I saw people who were succumb to the tortures of loneliness and feelings of uselessness. I saw people whose lives had been full of children, ministry, travel, and hard work brought down to states just a little better than being vegitated. This nursing home is a 'Christian' one and has many saints who have walked the path before me. Many of these people have had influence at OCC and have paved the way for generations to come. Yet I saw what scares us younger people in the eyes of these older ones. We are weak. We spend our lives trying to deny that fact. We grow up and support ourselves to show that we are not weak, but it is a farce. We pretend to be strong in work and in play, but we are just covering up the weaknesses below. All the while in the back of our minds we know that our pseudo-strength is only temporary, we know that we will fall into the hands of time and old age. We know that we can never escape the end that hunts us. We eat healthy to avoid it. We excercise to build up our strength to fight against it. We even have surgeries to hide it when it gets too close for comfort. But it is there, our weakness staring us in the face. When we are confronted with the pains and struggles of old age, our hearts quiver in fear. We cower and flea, hopeing that old age didn't see us, knowing that it did. We are afraid that in our old age we will again be weak. Not just physically, but emotionally. We are afraid that we will lose our importance to the world, our significance to the people we are closest to. So we shy away and hide. We avoid conversations with those who are older to again cover up the fact that we are weak.

But there is beauty to life (especially eternal life). There is vibrancy in color, there is wonder in creation, there is elegence in language, there is joy in people, there is hope. The blood that flowed from Calvary has not left us unchanged, it has not left us only to suffer at the hands of our enemy. We are empowered to live, create, and just be. We can smell the breeze, taste the sunlight, embrace the moonlight, and intake all of the wonderful matchless beauties that are on this earth. We can life like there is no tomorrow, because life is only today. Life is what we are doing at the time. Building a future, reconstructing the past, being in the present life is a gift and a gift that is meant to be used well. May I be inspired to live, may I be challenged to breath in the breath of fresh air and experience life abundant.

Simpson Orthodoxy

2009-02-02T12:12:00.001-08:00

In case you haven't noticed, I won't be updating my reading of the Jesus Way. It is a good book and you should read it. Really you should.

Yesterday, Sunday February 1st of 2009, I had the beautiful privilege of attending a Greek Orthodox (although they would probably just prefer Orthodox) service. The smell of incense was both powerful and a little overwhelming. The music was ancient, not flashy, but beautiful. The homily was, well, a homily not superb and not horrible, it was actually decent, but not spectacular. The melodic chants of the priest were intoxicating. The prayers of the Saints, like John Crysostom (sp?), were far reaching. Yet I left the service, uncomfortable. My thoughts about the liturgy were mixed with praise and sadness. There was still a tribalistic mentality in the liturgical prayers. Prayers for the army of the US, but not for the enemies of Uncle Sam, seemed a little out of place, especially coming from an Orthodox (Eastern European) tradition. I guess the tribalism found in the Orthodox church is not all that surprising, considering the many different tribes of Orthodoxy (Romanian, Russian, Greek, etc.). I wish churches would strive for unity.

What would happen if churches became ecumenical? What if our standard for fellowship was defined by how we view the resurrection of Jesus? So what if someone teaches a false doctrine? Yes I believe that false doctrine is bad, but I believe that Christians should be willing to listen and even agree to disagree with each other, even on some traditionally BIG issues. I believe that if the church were more focused on loving each other, then doctrinal disagreements will not be the only focus. It is as if we have not yet been filled with enough love to care more about other people's hearts than their convictions.

On an awesome sidenote, the priest mentioned something called "triodian (sp?)." This word finally made sense of the Simpson television show character Reverend Lovejoy. In my viewings of the Simpson's I have heard Reverend Lovejoy spout off funny Christian words similar to that of "triodian." Reverend Lovejoy is then the combination of all Christian ministers made into an ecumenical concauction. I truly found this amazing and cool. Not only does Reverend Lovejoy represent baptists and christian churchians, he also represents the Orthodox church and Catholics and others. I am able to look more fondly at the Simpson's because of this event.

Christmas is Around the Corner

2008-12-19T11:28:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas is around the corner and I am excited. Yes, I will continue to say Merry Christmas, not because I dislike other religions and festive celebrations, but because this season is encapsulated in Christ for me. Some have been trying to get me to say 'happy incarnation' so that I can apologetically defend the incarnation. I think that this type of reasoning is nice, but sincerely misguided.

In other news, I am currently reading The Jesus Way by Eugene Peterson. I am enjoying this spiritually formative read and I will keep on this blog my thoughts about what I am reading.

This book is predicated on John 14:6 where Jesus says, "I am the way, the truth and the life..." Peterson would like to point out that the 'truth and life' can only be accomplished when we are on the 'way.'

In his introduction, Peterson discusses how Jesus is not offering a complementary way to the ways and means of the world, but an alternative way. The manner in which God goes about defining success and production is completely different from the way in which the world offers these signposts of greatness. Peterson also critiques the consumer driven American church with a strikingly harsh, but true, statement; "A consumer church is an antichrist church (page 6)."

The flow of thought continues to show just how far reaching salvation is. Peterson shows that the 'end' goal of the Christian experience is salvation. It is highly important to realize that this salvation is not just an eschatological divine pardoning, but also a life altering and transforming, long lasting experience. "This is a salvation understood as comprehensive, intricate, patiently personal, embracingly social, insistently political. Salvation is the work of God that restores the world and us to wholeness (page 7 emphasis mine)." Peterson continues to discuss how to often the church will use the ways and means of the world that are at odds with what God desires.

It is integral in this understanding is the realization that Jesus is King. "We live in a world where Christ is King. If Christ is King, everything, quite literally, every thing and every one, has to be re-imagined, re-configured, re-oriented to a way of life that consists in an obedient following of Jesus (page 9)." This coheres well with NT Wright's understanding of the word 'gospel' as being the pronouncement that Jesus is King. Those who try to divorce Jesus Christ and his work from political action misunderstand the nature of the gospel. The gospel according to Jesus was "the kingdom of God is at hand (mk 1:15)." The reason the gospels are so inundated with the Kingdom of God is that Jesus came to establish a kingdom, not a simply a system of how people get their sins managed. Peterson continues, "The ways and means promoted and practices in the world are a systematic attempt to substitute human sovereingty for God's rule (pg 9)."

To conclude the introduction, Peterson speaks against what he calls the 'Laity Myth.' There is a pervading myth in the Christian church that people who do not have a degree in theology or who do not the gifts of preaching/teaching are sort of second-class believers. This is completely untrue. The people of God are built up of mainly people without such degrees and the like. Jesus's disciples were not those schooled in theology, but those who knew how to fish, do taxes, be zealous and the like. A problem connected with this is that people invest too much of their identity in what they can do well, rather in who they are (in the case of believers, Children of God). It is important for the 'leaders' of the church to get involvement from those without the official training. It is important for those who are not officially trained to believe that God desires earnestly to use them.

That is it for now. I am challenged and encouraged in reading this book, I hope that my synopsis has aided you as well.

3 reaons hy I hate finals week:

2008-12-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

Here are some reasons why I really dislike finals week, especially in the dorms.

1. Guys get crazy. There is something about the last few days of a semester that bring out all of the stored in frustrations. Also, guys just like to do stupid things and they have been working hard for an entire semester, they want to do something fun, so they do something stupid.

2. School shuts down. I like the routine that school gives my life. I am not a very structured person, but the structure that I get from school is beneficial to healthy living. I find it very hard to adjust and make up a new structure.

3. I hate leaving my social network. All of the friends with whom I have spent large amounts of time with are no longer around me when break comes. As I write this I realize that I will only have this type of community for another semester, then things will change drastically. I am not looking forward to reestablishing a good community. I hope that I will be able to find one.

Well that is about it. Tests are not a problem, projects aren't that big of a deal. It is mainly about relationships.

A Few Thoughts About God

2008-12-04T21:16:00.001-08:00

The title could be no more nebulous, I like that.

I am finding that all the intellect in the world does not matter as much as I might think. Being smart might be nice, I wouldn't know, but knowing God is the only worthwhile pursuit. No matter how much I could tell someone about the facts of Christianity (whichever facts I may believe) that is generally not what changes a person. What changes a person is meeting other people whose lives change other people. Great people inspire greatness.

There are few people who would have disrespected Mother Teresa. Her kindness was tempered with humility that almost forced people to listen to her speak. Her stature was small, I'm not sure she was even 5 feet tall, yet her presence was enormous. She had authority, an unassuming authority that graced people. She was not powerful, she was authoritative. It is authentic authority that people will listen to.

I met a man at the National Missionary Convention whose life will hopefully change me permanently. His name is Ash Barker. He moved from comfortable Australian living to an urban area of disaster. He moved with his wife into places that most people would consider untouchable. He did this in order to share the gospel with these down and out people. Ash correctly realized that a gospel that is not good news to the poor, is not good news at all. The gospel that Ash taught was not that the poor will become rich, but that the poor can have worth and value in the eyes of God, and hence in the eyes of God's people. It is in this that the people can then rejoice. For the community will take care of them, the poor can rejoice. Sadly, the community at large has forgotten this. But through Ash's work, the neighborhood he moved to became an area of hope.

Ash started an organization called Urban Neighbors of Hope (UNOH). With that, he moved his family (wife and daughter at the time, he now has a son) into the Klong Toey slum in Bangkok, Thailand. This community of 80,000 people live in 2 square kilometers, and do not have a proper sewerage system. The area is rampant with disease, the people are incredibly poor. This is not the type of place most peopel visit, let alone want to life. But because Christ has called his people to serve the poor, Ash went. He started a community center and began helping out in a local church. He is helping show God's love to people who need to hear some good news. Ash's voice to others is a voice of authority, no one can doubt the sincerity of this man. Yet probably the most remarkable of all Ash's attributes is that he does not condemn those who are not as active in serving the poor as he is. He believes (and rightly so) that Christians need to be invovled in solving proverty in the world, but he is not condemning of those who have not realized this yet. His attitude is not cynical, but grace-filled. He a person to whom people will and do listen carefully. He has authority.

Authority comes from knowing God. When Jesus spoke, he spoke with authority. His authority came from knowing God. May I ever be a person who knows God. May I always spend my energy on the only thing worthy of pursuit, knowing God. May God be as real and intimate with me as my own self. I wish to know God, I say. Better and better every single day. I wish to hear his tender voice. I long to have his blessed insights. His tender mercies to be my speach. His great love to be my reach. Within my hand he grace to give. And for his sake, my life to live.

And this is eternal life to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.

Random Thoughts Against the Christian Political Right:

2008-11-12T20:53:00.001-08:00

1. The USA was founded on Christian principles:

Romans 13 says not to rebel against the King
It would seem that the revolutionary was is in direct contrast to this.
Paul wrote quite probably about Nero, a much worse king than George
the preamble to the constitution was written for white, land owning, males, not a literal every man and woman concept of freedom

2. I find it funny how willingly Christians on the right would want to vote for John McCain

He divorced his wife for a sordid love affair to a younger lady
President Bill Clinton had an affair and the Christian right shouted "impeach, impeach"
The lesser of two evils then only seems to be the republican instead of the democrat due largely to the abortion issue. Ironically, I know of at least 3 people who have been/are active in Crisis Pregnancy Centers who voted Obama, that is refreshing to me.
It would only seem fitting to vote for someone whose moral life you wouldn't want to impeach, like Obama, but that would be too bad.

3. Too many people think that President Elect Obama is the/an antichrist

This seems to be based largely on poor theology: a wrong eschatological framework
This comes out of fake accusations that President Elect Obama is a muslim terrorist

4. Too many people think that the whole of the USA is going to change drastically

New presidents rarely are able to change much.

All of this is to say that I am sick of the Evangelical Right and their complaining. I know not every person who voted McCain is like this. I just want to let this out. There seems to be an embedded understanding among Evangelicals that political activism is best fleshed out through voting republican. I think that is completely asinine and vacuous. It would be incredibly refreshing if the same people in my home state of California who voted against gay marriage, were to actually care enough about the sanctity of marriage to not get divorced. It would also be great if Christians decided that it is God who defines what marriage is and not the government. If a homosexual couple wants the same insurance rights as a married couple why shouldn't they get them? I am sickened because I rarely see any times in church history where the church actually showed the love of Christ to homosexuals. What if that happened? What if the church decided to love homosexuals enough to treat them as human beings? Do you think something might change? Evangelicalism seems too often narrow minded and based on one issue. I am tired of it. I want to see the church be a true force in the community, a force that seeks to change the world with the love of Christ. But it seems that Evangelicals cannot love the unlovely unless the unlovely becomes a straight white middle classed American. That is harsh, I know. But that is how I feel. The christian right has been caricatured here and I realize it. Still, the majority of contact that I have with this Christian right is so devoid of love toward those who are opposed to being good republicans that it sickens me. Why can't we love people? All that said, I do love the people in the church who are like this. I am sad that they make poor decisions and neglect what seems incredibly important to the gospel. I don't want to offend anyone who reads this, but no doubt I will. Sorry.

grace and peace

Wednesday my heart is restless

2008-11-05T05:51:00.000-08:00

Finally, the day has come! It has been long enough, the election is over. Yet something restless lies in my heart. Not about the country, its politics, or the election, but about my future as someone serving God.

I have begun to see where people draw the line for fellowship. Maybe not intentionally, but the line is drawn nonetheless. The whole church is not always concerned about the pursuit of truth. It is sad to say, but the church parade's its knowledge of truth as a knowledge of ownership, a knowledge that exclusively belongs to her. This knowledge is stagnant, not progressing. I fear what will happen to me, whether or not I will remain faithful to truth, even if that means marching down a different path from the ones who led me along. What if I disagree greatly with my mentors and those who have invested in me? Do I just concede what I perceive truth to be, so that I will not ruffle anyone's feathers? I fear that I have seen people take a stand, a radical stand for what they thought was true. But after a while of standing on their own, of being outside of the theological and social norm, they caved into compromise.

I will pursue truth, because I believe that Jesus is truth. I will pursue it and know what precious little of it I can. I will stand alone if necessary so that truth can be proclaimed. I will be faithful. All of this will happen only by the grace of God. Only by my trusting in Him above all else.

It is my goal to read the people I am told I should disagree with. I want to hear their voice, not their accusers. I would rather disagree with the accuser, it is in my nature to be pretentious. I am sick of hearing false caricatures of "liberal" views. I am sick of being given a partial and biased knowledge against beliefs that stretch people. I am sick of much, I am sick of who I am becoming. But I know that it is only on the road of trials that I will become. In the end I wish to say that, I have known God.

Waiting For Wednesday

2008-11-03T12:07:00.000-08:00

I will be glad once this presidential election is finished. It will be a glorious day to not have to hear or see another political advertisement. It will be even better to not have to heart the many disagreements taking place within the Kingdom of God. I could care less who is president, but I need to care more about what the church is doing to change the world.

In the Old Testament the Temple was the intersecting point between the presence of God and the presence of humanity. Ironically, in the New Testament, Paul calls the church the Temple of God. So, what Paul is says is that the church is the presence of God within humanity.

With that as a background, I would like to see the church start doing acts of restoration on troublesome issues, rather than complain about legislature. Maybe if the church actually did something, other than vote, like pray or act, we would not be worried so much about abortions.

In any case, I am excited about this Wednesday it will be a time of relief and hopefully of the church growing closer together. Politics may be a tool of the enemy used to divide, rather than unite. I pray that we may be one, just as Jesus and the Father are one.

The Importance of Being Random

2008-10-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

So yesterday as I was driving to a friend's house, I picked my nose. It was intense, for the moment I stopped picking the itch present in my nose continued. I looked in the mirror to see why there was such an itch on my nose and I saw a hair. Now I thought this was no big deal, you see I have a rather large beard. It was my initial understanding that this hair on my nose was coming from my face, alas I was wrong. While driving, I discovered that this hair was not on the external part of my face, but that its origins were from deep within my nostrils. So, I tried to pluck it, after one failed attempt with several tears trickling down my face, I determined to finish the job once the car was stopped. After I parked, I grabbed the pair of tweezers that are in my car (for what reason tweezers are in my car, I have no clue) and gave this evil hair a light pluck. My hand faltered and the hair remained in my nose. Several more tears streaming down one half of my face and I decided to give up. I will say repeatedly that I have no shame, so I felt no great concern with a nose hair poking its way out of my nostril. After a few moments chilling with my friend my curiosity got the best of me and I gave another try after this ominous foe. This time I was victorious!! I had plucked the hair. In that moment of glorious victory, I was confronted with the horrible truth. I had just plucked a 3/4inch nose hair. The biggest problem with this whole ordeal is that I really don't like being...hairy? It is not exactly my thing to have loads of hair, yet, it seems to be my reality. I am not yet close to 25 years old and my nose hairs are already 3/4inch long. What will happen when I am 60? I hate to think of the future of my nose hair. I can only imagine being unable to hear because of ear hair, or not being able to smell because of nose hair. That is only a glimpse into the pathetic nature I call my life. So the moral of the story is keep a handy pair of tweezers in your car, you never know when you'll have a rogue nose hair.

Are we captive????

2008-09-27T22:12:00.000-07:00

O Come O Come Immanuel
And Ransom Captive Israel
That Mourns in Lowly Exile Here
Until the Son of God appears

Rejoice, Rejoice Immanuel
Has Come to Thee O Israel

So N.T. Wright talks about Israel thinking itself still in captivity in the first century, I think that others saw this before him. Maybe Paul really saw the Christian experience in parallel with the exodus of captive Israel. We are in exile until the Son of God ransoms us and takes us to be with Him in resurrection.

By the way, Christmas is ever approaching.

I guess this blog name should be explained

2008-09-10T20:13:00.001-07:00

Well for those of you who do not know, hesed (pronounced with a guttural ch at the beginning) is the Hebrew word for covenant loyalty. Throughout the OT this word occurs to describe how God responds to His covenant, with faithfulness. God is completely faithful. In fact, I am studying the letter to the Romans this semester and the view of the "New Perspective" explains one of the major, if not the major, theme in Romans is God's faithfulness to His covenant is seen in the life and ministry and death and resurrection of Jesus. God is faithful to his covenant, no matter how faithless his people are. The title of my blog is about holding on to the hope that and fact that God is completely faithful to those who belong to God.

Obamanation!!

2008-07-25T11:04:00.000-07:00

I saw a bumpersticker the other day. “Obama 08” is what it read. Nothing spectacular, nothing profound, but something stuck out to me. The elderly lady driving that car didn’t notice that I was starring, but I noticed something about her, and I assume, people in general. She has hope for something better than this world. She has the desire for a better tomorrow. Something within her longs for a bright and bold future that offers freedom, peace, and beauty. She has “the audacity of hope.” Maybe I am naïve, but then again I feel as though I perceived something quite true today. All of this ladies hopes and dreams are misplaced. She is expecting the government, particularly the Obama campaign to bring about peace, hope, beauty and freedom. She is hoping in the goodness of the few to bring about the joy for the many. I can’t help but think that her hopes in one charismatic man are quite close to the truth. For within her hopes of this one man is found a larger and more encompassing hope in the goodness of people. Her hope that people will make the right decisions, that people will be good, that people will do the right thing, is something found among many people. It is even a hope expressed in the new movie, ‘Dark Knight.’
Her hope in one man is actually bigger than I have expressed, she hope/thinks/believes that somehow the system of America will in some way be able to bring about a better world. This just seems to me to be a little off of the truth as well. She feels that the ideals of America such as freedom, capitalism, and equality are core values in securing the better tomorrow. This is all well and good, if you have no other system by which you can judge the securing of a better tomorrow. Even when there are competing systems jockeying for a better slot there is debate about which one is best. It would seem to me that America has an efficient enough system in bringing about the “best” for the people who live there, but the system and ideals of America are not exactly what I want.
I want my ideals to be the ideals of God, my system to be the only system/kingdom that offers eternal peace, my hope in people to be in the kingdom members, and my one man I trust in to be Jesus. I can’t help but think (possibly due to an overly high ecclesiology) that the freedom, peace, beauty and justice that everyone wants is total and complete when found within God’s kingdom. When the gospel (the news that Jesus is king over everything, not just a personal Lord. And that this Jesus’ people can go about proclaiming that news and bringing freedom and liberation and justice to those who obey follow him.) is spread through the community of God freedom, beauty, justice, and peace spring forth. “Christianity is all about becoming human.” At least that is what I keep hearing from Alex Giltner. But really why should I hope in some man other than Jesus, some group of people other than the church, some system of government other than the kingdom of God? I submit I should not.
Now I don’t know much about politics or campaigns, but I think that what I want to communicate is irrelevant to political campaigns. So, I see within that lady’s bumpersticker a philosophy for something deeper and that is less than satisfactory. But then again, that car might have been stolen, or that sticker been slapped on that ladies car by some crazy Obama supporter. For those who suffered through this, sorry for my inability to be clear.

I now have a shotgun!

2008-07-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I now own my own shotgun! It is a Benelli Nova Pump, 12 gauge, in Advantage Max 4HD camoflauge. I really like it. My job is okay. I wish i were better for my church. but my final year of undergraduate work is creeping slowly around the corner. soon i will be a college grad, it seems like it has taken long enough.

Tipping is not a city in China.

2008-06-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

So I now work at iHop (thank you apple) and I have discovered that getting a good tip is not all that easy. I guess with the failing economy the first thing to go is good tipping, right? Higher gas prices, higher food prices and all that jazz really makes it hard to earn money. Not that money is everything or even eternally important, but I have found in this climate a chance to practice better stewardship (one of my many failing points). Jesus talked about money a lot, and using it for eternal things. I hope to be a person who gives generously not only from my pocket but also from my heart. He that is faithful in little will be faithful in much. I hope that I can be a faithful person in all my dealings. That is all for now, I guess.

I don't love America...

2008-06-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

But I don't hate it either. So that leaves me with a question; should I leave? You do know the old saying "America, love it or leave it!" But what about those who are mildly/more than mildly indifferent about the US of A? My reasoning for not being madly in love with America is not from a disdain for the Bush campaign, but out of the love for the only eternal nation (the Kingdom of God).

I am currently home in California, and I have been amazed at the ardent nationalism found within the church of America. I don't pledge allegiance to a flag of any nation, I pledge allegiance to Christ, hence I say that Jesus is Lord. This does not mean that Jesus is only a personal Lord, it means that Jesus is the LORD (ie King) of everything. I could see how saying Jesus is my personal Lord is saying that Jesus is the Lord of their life, or that she/he has recognized Jesus' Lordship.

All of this leads me to one question of many, should Christians say a pledge of allegiance (similar to saying, "Caesar is Lord")? One could argue that the pledge of allegiance to the US is not at all similar, however, I would remark that the words in the pledge argue against its dissimilarity to saying Caesar is Lord. Why should I give my allegiance to a country if I have already pledged "All to Jesus I surrender?" I remember someone saying that, "you cannot have two masters, you cannot serve both God and country" (okay I know the verse says money, but I think that this is a clear implication from the first part of the statement).

What about the US being a "Christian" nation, that has to count for something, right? I don't really think so. I have heard it said that this country was founded on Christian principles, however, I do not see them. This country was founded in rebellion to another empire. As I look through the pages of the New Testament I don't find any reason for a rebellion of force against a persecutor/tyrant. Remember the context of the New Testament, crazy Roman emperors, some who decided to physically and financial persecute the people of God. Amidst such a bad climate, never does Paul, Peter, James, John or any New Testament leader encourage a rebellion of force, even in "self-defense." The advice from these Apostles was "honor the king," "pray for the king," "submit to the government." Thus, I feel it is a presumptuous to assume Christian heritage of the USA. Especially considering the fact that in the face of financial and some physical persecution the founders of the USA fought in a rebellion of force, something that contradicts the advice given from the Apostles in a similar situation.

Now, I really am ambivalent about the USA, but I am adamant against nationalism in the church. Churches should rid themselves of the American flag. Churches should emphasize political action, but not in the manner of a Chuck Colson. (ASIDE: Breakpoint ministries, or whatever they are called, try to get Christians involved in keeping Christian values prominent in American society. What this translates to for me is they try to get every Christian to actively promote a republican agenda. This is nice in the sense that this ministry is attempting to get Christians involved in the political world. However, I find the methods and means of doing so are poor. Jesus was political, but not a republican. Jesus was political in a politically charged environment, but he was not a part of any of the political parties. So I suggest that the church be political in a manner like Jesus was. Jesus was not a republican or a democrat or even a third party. Jesus didn't vote, he acted political. So maybe rather than just voting against abortion [as if it is the only political issue] maybe Christians should start crisis pregnancy centers. END OF ASIDE)

So I will continue not to pledge allegiance to a country that is not the Kingdom of God, I will continue not to sing a national anthem that doesn't emphasize the LORDSHIP of Christ over all, and I will continue to be upset and baffled when Christians say that the soldiers have given us the peace we experience in this country (as if God had nothing to do with it). I am a Resident Alien, I don't belong in the US or in any country that isn't the Kingdom of God. My citizenship is in heaven from where I wait the Savior the Lord Jesus Christ, who will change my vile body like unto His glorious body.

He must increase

2008-01-09T13:01:00.000-08:00

School is rearing it's ugly head. I am readying myself for another semester, possibly the toughest one I have ever had.

I am not capable, but God is more than able. In Mark class last semester Mark Scott as well as the commentary we read stressed one fact about the disciples: They were more concerned with their own inability rather than Christ's ability. I think that I am the same way. Sometimes I ponder and think that there is no real difference between the the believers back then and the believers now. Even having seen the risen Lord, Peter still acted poorly to Gentile believers. Before preaching I remark at my inability to speak powerfully, but I believe that the focus of that thought is all wrong. For my focus should not be on how I cannot, but how God can. There is still something within me that is holding on to the idea that I need to know my own weaknesses and fight off prides ugly head. How is that done while still having a proper understanding of God's ability? I guess it is done by realizing that God is so big that he can work within and through me, my strengths, weaknesses, and everything else, and still produce his desired effect. This applies to relationships, finances, politics, ministry and the like. If my focus is on how am I to be perceived, then there is a problem. However, if my focus is on will God be seen as Holy, there is much more power and effect in that.

I am steadily becoming aware that my humanness will not leave me until I am in a resurrected state, and even then it will not be totally gone, but at least the bad stuff will. May my focus be on His glory and on His ability, not on my own inability, or even ability. In the Words of John "I must decrease and He must Increase."

Why did I do this?

2008-01-02T14:01:00.000-08:00

So I guess I will start blogging, again.

Yikes, I have nothing to say.